Step Four - Or Am I Back to Step One?

Since my last post I've spent my free time digging through publishers' guidelines, as well as my to-be-read pile of books, my keeper-pile of books--and reading some of both.

I thought about them all, about what I liked and why I liked them. Seems not a lot has changed, at least not in the last few years. I still like cowboys, paranormal, and suspense. Paranormal suspense wins over just straight romantic suspense, mostly. When it comes to paranormal and suspense, not all of my favorites are romance books though, but they have some of that romance sparkle in them, if not a good romance in them. They just might not have that happy ever after ending.

In fact, two of my favorites are from authors who have the same characters star in book after book. A series of suspense novels by Jeffery Deaver that star criminalist Lincoln Rhyme and his protégé Amelia Sachs. (If you haven't read the books, you might know them from the one book in these series that was made into a movie, The Bone Collector.) Now these books aren't romance, but the building care, trust and love between Lincoln and Amelia is positively a draw for me, along with the great writing and stories.

The second series is from author Kim Harrison. The main star in these books is the witch Rachel Morgan. This is paranormal in a world of its own, wrote in first person of all things. (And I didn't even think I liked first person, but Kim Harrison's stories made me change my mind.) There's some romance in these books too, but no way are these books romance either. Oh, there's also suspense, since a lot of times you think Rachel is going to bite the big one for sure this time. Smile.

Okay, so I know some about today's market, I know what kind of books bring me the most pleasure to read, but I'm still not sure where I'm going. Seems the more I try to focus on it and force myself to settle on the next step, on centering on just exactly what kind of romance I'm going to write, the larger the knot gets in my stomach and the more I feel a building panic taking hold. I think I scared to death of failing again. Of writing the wrong thing, of starting something I won't finish, of spending more of my time writing something that will never see the light day.

Would you believe even scared of making it, of finishing a book and having it published and knowing they are waiting for a next one and me not being able to pull it off again. My sister always says "fear is bondage".

Maybe it's time I work on some of those ties that bind?

To be continued...

Free Workshop to Help You Get Back to Writing or Keep Writing!

I'm so sorry I didn't think to post this until now. We've had a free workshop, Write Like You Mean It, going on over on the main RWC group for a few days. The person giving it is Avon author Jenna Petersen. http://www.jennapetersen.com

RWC is my free Yahoo Group for romance authors. There's still today and all of tomorrow to take part in the workshop, and the posts that have already come in will stay on the group page so as a member, you can go in and look at the ones you've missed. Jenna really shared some great info that went right along with the problems I've been writing about, and lots more.

RWC is a huge group for romance authors, published or not, who are working at being the best writers they can. It's not a social group, so there are a lot of rules that all members have to follow to keep posts under control and make the group easy to use. Of course I expect members to be respectful to each other, so people can't come in and get away with flames and meanness that I've seen on so many groups. In other words, if you can't follow rules or if you like to fight, or if you want to chit chat, RWC isn't the place for you. But if you are a romance writer who can follow the rules and allow others their own opinions, and you are working at being a writer, then RWC might be just the perfect place for you, and I'd love to have you join us, even if it's just to take part in the end of this workshop.

You can find the link to join the main RWC group and more info about it and its sister groups for critiques and more, all here:
http://www.charlottedillon.com/RWC.html

Sorry again for not thinking to post this sooner.

Step Three – The Plan… So Far

If what I’ve tried the last few times hasn’t worked, and I’m going to try something new, what should it be? Is there anything new left to even try?

The most success I had at starting back to writing and sticking to it was when I started something brand new. It was a paranormal suspense. That worked out so well for me. I was back on track and seemed to be doing great.

I think if I hadn’t lost my father, got over that only to get sick and find out I was a diabetic, and just get that under control and begin to feel better when I had to deal with hurricane Katrina, I wouldn’t even be writing this now. I would have finished that story and moved on to the next one, and probably the next, and so on. After all, a great agent had read part of the manuscript and was waiting for the complete, the market was hot for that kind of work at the time; I had already basically outlined two more books to follow the first, a series. There were also characters in there that would have been able to carry books of their own, so I could have done many more than the three I had in mind. I was trucking right along and having a good time doing it. Having a good time is important. If you aren’t enjoying your writing, it’s going to be hard to do and the end result is going to show your struggle. At least for me and I think most others.

Maybe the success I had at that time with sticking to it and enjoying writing again was in the fact that I had started something new. I didn’t have to backtrack or repolish or rehash. It was all new and fresh. But if I start something new again, in a few months will I just end up with another half finished manuscript to add to the other three I haven’t completed? I’m just not sure what to do.

Doing nothing isn’t going to work though.

So, I thought some more, and some more. Finally I decided that I’d have to risk the chance of having another half-finished story. Better a half-finished one than nothing. The thought of doing a rewrite on one of my completes right now just holds no interest for me. I’ve tried to keep working almost daily on that paranormal suspense since I’ve started back, tried to keep the story moving forward, but it’s a push every time I open that file, and I feel like the writing I’m doing isn’t going to be something I’m proud of when I’m done. I really think my pushing is showing through and the writing is suffering, like I mentioned above.

If I’m going to start something brand new though, what should it be? At least I’ve already done that taking inventory part. Maybe it’s time to really ask myself what kind of romance story is calling to me now days, and to do a lot of market research.

To be continued….

Step Two – More Inventory

Since I’ve gone through the rejections and figured out what I did when, I supposed the next step would be to see just what I’ve got--written that is.

To that end, I went through my computer files and non-computer files and found all of my novel-length romance fiction, completed or not. I listed them under completed, partial, or openings. I realized I had jumped around a bit. In my romance fiction I found short contemporaries, long contemporaries, long western historicals, suspense, paranormal, and even paranormal suspense. Okay, so I need focus. No one can write in that many styles can they?

Yet more inventory. I went to my bookshelves and scanned titles and authors. If I was going to try and focus in on one or two kinds of romance, then maybe seeing what kind I read the most would help me figure out where my heart really was and what manuscript I had that I should turn my full attention to.

Surprise, there was a big mixture in my bookshelves too. But I was looking for a recurring pattern, a majority. I kind of ended up with a four-way tie though, between short and long contemporaries, paranormal, and suspense. Simplified, I came up with contemporaries with or without paranormal and with or without suspense.

What about sexual content? A mixture there two, but at least there seemed to be a clear majority in that area, which was simply the middle ground. I had only a handful of what you would call sweet romances, and less than that of what you would call erotica. Of course that could just be because the middle ground is what’s the most available. So I’ve decided not to put too much weight on that part of my inventory. In fact, I think you could be comfortable or happy reading some types of sexual content that you might not be happy writing. I know some of my work is about as hot as good soaking bath water, while other stuff might nearly boil that water.

With all of that inventory behind me, I went back to my files. I don’t have anything I’d send out without a rewrite. What I’ve been working on since I started back writing is a manuscript that was about halfway done when I stopped writing before. It doesn’t seem to be working for me this time either.

So, should I do some rewrites on the finished manuscripts and get them out there? Should I finish this partial or another one of my particles and get one or more of them out there? I have three particles, each halfway or better done. One is a very old western historical, the other two are long contemporaries, one more of a paranormal and one more of a paranormal suspense.

My mind screamed for me to pick the easiest, which would be to polish one of those completes up. The responsible side of me said to finish the particle I’ve started back to working on. After all, how many times have I told other writers to finish what they start or they’ll end up with a pile of started manuscripts and never complete a single one of them. The realistic side of me--boy I have a lot of sides--says none of this is, or has, worked for me the last few times I’ve tried to get back into the habit of being a full-time fiction writer.

So, now what? I guess it’s time to find another way to skin a cat.

To be continued….

Step One - Taking Inventory of Your Writing

To move forward, you kind of need to know where you’ve been.

I did something today that I think would benefit a lot of my fellow writers who are struggling. See, I save rejection letters. I know, sounds kind of morbid, but it's really very smart and helpful. I will admit that even with time, there's a sting to seeing those rejections, but there's a lot of information in those letters too. (Hint, if you don't do so, start saving your rejection letters in a nice neat folder.)

I got my rejection folder out today and put the rejections from publishers for each story in a pile of its own. Just the novel-length fiction stuff, since that's what I've decided to concentrate on.

I was shocked when I realized a lot of things by digging through those rejections. First, the pile for my last completed manuscript was small. I had only sent it out to publishers twice. Only two times! And, gulp, the last time was in 2002. That was a hard blow. It's 2008. That means in the last six years I haven't completed one novel-length story and haven't even sent my old fiction stuff out to one publisher.

Kind of hard to make a sale when the work is in your computer. (I've told that to hundreds of starting writers over the years. I always say, "Finish that manuscript, set it aside and double check your homework on where you are going to send it, give it a last polish, then get that query in the mail and get to work on that next manuscript. After all, you can't get published unless you finish the manuscript, often a number of them first, and send them out." That's very true.)

Too bad some where along the way I stopped listening to myself.

I learned some good things too though, by looking through my rejections. The ones from the last couple years I was submitting work was personal rejections with comments from the editors on what they felt worked and what they felt didn't. They were also mostly rejections on completes, since it seemed almost every query earned me a request for a complete or at least a partial. In other words, I was doing something right. I was getting some where.

By 2000, I hadn't written fiction for a number of years, doing freelance writing instead because it offered something fiction didn't--a steady paycheck that came every other week. In 2000 I went back to romance, but looking over my records I discovered I gave it a very short two year go, and then I lost my father, and put all writing aside for a while. I've started back a few times since then, but never really got the ball rolling. I got close a couple of times, and then something else big happened, and I just gave right in. I even went back to non-fiction a little over a year ago and completed a book, found an agent for it, and it's been shopped around. Still, I've done little more than start and stop with my fiction since I stopped writing it for fulltime non-fiction work.

The truth is, I'm not in my twenties any more. Okay, or my thirties. It's time to, excuse my French, but as my mom used to say, "It's time to piss or get off the pot." As I've mentioned before, I've tried to get off the pot, but it's like I've got an evil twin in me that loves writing and loves writing fiction best of all and won't let me forget about it.

That's why I sat down and went through those records today. I've been working hard on making fiction writing a daily -- at least five days a week anyway -- habit for me. It's not getting much easier, so I've decided I've got to be doing something wrong, or maybe I'm wrong, and I can walk away and just haven't tried hard enough. Before I toss in the towel on all of the years of work I've put into romance writing and helping other writers write it, I've decided to step back and take a long hard look at what has worked for me, what hasn't, and what I want and what my writing goals really are.

I started with those rejection letters today. If you are kind of in the same spot, that might be a good place for you to start too, even if you don't have them all in one folder, you probably have them jotted down or recall most of them. Maybe you even have better records, like of when you started each manuscript and when you completed it.

If you look over any of the dates above, and you find that they are way far apart, maybe like me, you need to get your ducks in a row, make a plan, set some goals, apply your butt to the chair and get to it -- or get off the pot.

Okay, so now I need a plan and a goal, oh, and some ducks.

To be continued....

Getting Back to Writing

As many of you know, I've been sick for a long time. I was in bed for months, but I'm getting well enough to get back to life. Well enough to get back to writing. Every time I've taken a break from writing though, getting back to it seems almost as hard as getting through what ever took me away from it. They say once you learn how to ride a bike, you never forget. That doesn't mean you're likely to go jump back on one either though.

When we take a long break from writing, I don't think we forget how to do that either, it's the jumping back on, or jumping back in as it may be, that gives us the trouble.

I still know how to write, and the story I was working on and the one I was editing are both still alive in my mind, but it's like they are on life-support. Getting them breathing again, getting me writing again, might take a little CPR.

Having been through this before, I know there comes a point where you just have to stop putting it off, set a date and jump in. I started Monday. It was supposed to be Monday morning, but I had some really important things I had to handle first. Like, well, there was these dirty clothes in the bathroom, and I found grime in the kitchen sink. Oh, and Monday's are good days to pay the bills, and who wants to start writing when you have a backlog of mail in the in box. Then the dogs did kind of need a bath, and there was.... See, all very important things that couldn't be put off. Right?

Finally I took hold of myself, forced my butt into the computer chair, fought with my hand to keep it from opening up my e-mail program, and made it open the file that held my incomplete manuscript instead -- and then stared at it for a good fifteen minutes as my brain rebelled and other things tried to call me away.

After that, I began by reading over the last chapter I had written. Funny how I recalled some of it so well and wondered if someone else had written other parts of it while I had been away. I had to resist the urge to go back to page one and read the whole story away. I need to do that I'm sure, but I needed to write first. In the end, before I closed the file, I wrote two pages. Yes, two pages, that's it. Those were two very hard pages to write. It felt like trying to get ice out of a cactus.

The next day, I found things to do, and I didn't feel very well, but I opened that manuscript a little sooner than the first day, and I did two pages again. The last half a page was a real push. I had wanted to go up a page and do three, but I knew when it was time to call it a day and let myself be satisfied with what I had accomplished. Today, I've already done my two pages, hoped for three again, but didn't make it again. It's early enough though, that there's a chance I might get brave enough to give it another try. No, I'm not going to count this as writing, since it's non-fiction and my goal is fiction.

I'm not going to be too hard on myself either. After all, I'm in training. At least that's the way I look at it. My husband runs marathons. The full ones. You know, the 26.2 mile ones! (Bless his crazy little heart.) He trains for weeks before one. When he starts out, he doesn't run 26.2 miles, or even 13 miles, or eight. He starts small and just keeps building. It's a daily thing for him.

When I first got where I could get out of bed again, walking through the house left me winded and feeling like I had been doing one of his workouts. Being up on my feet for more than a little while left my back feeling like it would break just from holding me up right. I didn't push myself and go outside and walk for an hour...although I used to walk at least an hour five days a week. I just kept walking around the house, standing longer, sitting longer. Slow day after slow day. Now I can walk for thirty minutes or more before I start wearing down. I can stand up for an hour and half or longer before my back screams enough. I got here, and will get further, by taking it easy on myself, going at my own speed, and getting back to what once was my normal at a comfortable pace for my body.

I'm handling my writing the same way. Right now my goal is to write at least five days a week. Even if it's only two pages, or even if it's less. I'll keep building, letting my writing muscles get stronger, and one day I'll be back to where I was. I've never been one of those writers who can put out twenty pages a day, but on good days I used to be able to pull ten or so. I will again, if I hang in there and don't give up.

By the way, friends have asked me why I don't just give up. If it's that hard to get back to it, then why not just call it a day and move on to something else? I've asked myself that before. Okay, I've screamed that at myself a lot of times.

This is not by far my first long spell away from writing. I didn't write for over a year after I lost my mother, for months after my father died, for months after we recovered from hurricane Katrina. One time I just found myself depressed with all of the rejections and with all the wasted time I had put into my writing and gotten no where. Another time I gave up my fiction writing to do freelance non-fiction for a few years so I could help pay the bills. When I started the freelance work, I thought I could do both, but I was so drained by the time I finished my deadline and turned in my work each week, there just was no writing left in me for my fiction.

So, if I've had to fight so many times to get back to my fiction, why keep fighting? I wish I knew. I've tried to walk away for good a number of times. I really have.

The same thing happens every time though. Once the bad gets better and I start getting over that black spell of time, whatever it may be, the characters in my stories won't stay out of my head. I think about my storylines, about my characters, I plot things out, build in more conflict, map out whole scenes in my mind. Openings for new stories pop into my thoughts, new characters show up and whisper something like, "Do you want to know why I fell in love with him?" The next thing I know, even if I'm not writing, it's taking up such a big part of my life, that there's just no way to completely give it up.

That means the choice becomes either keeping these stories growing only in my mind, or sitting back down at the computer, opening up Word, and getting on with it. It's like one part of me fights getting back to it, but another part fights just as hard to get back to it, and I'm just caught in the middle and finally have to give in and go with the stronger part--that writer in me that won't say die. (Wonder if there's a 12-step program out there for it?)

So, here I go again!

If you've got that stronger writer part in you, and you can't get away from it even when you try your best. Maybe it's time you give in and start back. Answer that character that won't leave you alone, that story that keeps plotting itself out even as you try to block it. If I'm brave enough to give it another go for the I-don't-know-how-manyth time, I know you are.

All we have to do is take one step at a time...or just write one word at a time. The story you finish this time might be the one that helps you reach whatever your goal is.

Last Update of My Sister's Grandbaby

I want to thank everyone who sent prayers, light and good wishes for my sister's grandbaby. Each time I asked, there was an outpouring of the above. I'm very grateful for each and every message and post that was sent. This time I'm asking for those same things for my sister and her daughter. The baby lost his fight last weekend. They said he wouldn't make it to two years, but he made it two months longer than that. It was a hard two years though. He went through so much, hurt so much, that as sad as I am that he is gone, I'm glad that he isn't hurting or having to fight anymore. He was a strong little boy who smiled through things that would have made a grown man cry.

Happy Holidays

I wanted to wish everyone happy holidays and a happy New Year. I hope you have been enjoying a wonderful holiday season filled with lots of great food, plenty of fun, and most important of all -- filled with loved ones and friends. Here's wishing you each a great 2008! May this be the year your biggest dream comes true.

Hugs,
Charlotte

Cooking Stuff

Hi everyone,

I've got some links and info up on my cookbook site about some different kitchen need-to-haves or want-to-haves. One of the things I have listed is a KitchenAid Stand Mixer. A number of people have mentioned it before and thanked me for telling them about this mixer. I know it's the best mixer I've ever used! (No, I don't own stock in the company.) Smile. My Mom and my sister both have used them, had them for years, but the price is high and I never got one of my own.

Well, I found a great deal today at Amazon on them. The highest, most powerful one listed there is about the price that the cheapest KitchenAid was at Wal-Mart last year. For a limited time Amazon is doing 40% off, a 50 buck rebate on top of that, and free shipping. They even have price cuts on the attachments you can buy to use with the stand mixer, including a meat grinder and a shredder. Heck, you can even make ice cream and sausage with this stand mixer. (See why I've been wanting one forever!)

So, if like me, you've been sitting and waiting and hoping, now might be your chance to grab one of your own. They have two smaller ones that are even less, both also with price cuts and rebates. I told hubby he could count mine as both my X-Mas for this year and my birthday. Now I just have to try and wait for it to get here! Smile!

Long Time No See

Hi everyone,

I know it's been a long time. I have been sick and dealing with more than one health issue that has taken me out for three months so far. During that time I've handed over the day to day running of my RWC on-line groups to some wonderful ladies who have worked hard to keep things running so well that I'm sure members didn't even notice that I've been missing in action.

Sadly, I couldn't hand over my website, my blog and my e-mail to others, so those things have just had to sit and wait. I have a ton of back e-mail from this blog and the contact link on my website. Please don't think I'm being rude or ignoring your comments or questions. If I got them and you gave a correct e-mail address for my reply, and one was needed or requested, you will get a response from me. I promise.

I'm still not well and my up time is very limited, so please know that it might still take me a good while to get to each message. I know more waiting time is a lot to ask since some of you have already been waiting for three months. I'm sorry about that and will do the best I can to get to each message as soon as I can on the days when I do feel up to tackling my mail. Thanks so much for understanding and for all of the messages of support and encouragement that I've gotten from those who have learned about my illness during the last weeks.

Hugs and best wishes to you all -- and happy writing and reading!